Our birthdays are feathers in the broad wing of time…

ages_ago1

I think birthday is probably one of the few days in a year when kind of “existential” thoughts cross mind. Since it is mine today (yet another time of turning 18), I decided to write them down. Even if only to be able to look back after a year and compare…

“Once upon a time” is the beginning, holding quite a lot of promises in it but, like I was recently told, we never know where it will bring us and what the end will be like. Similar to life itself – full of unexpected turns, the roads that lead to the places I never thought I might be at. Mountains that take my breath away, deserts to be tantalized by, oceans to touch even if only with toes. Time to laugh from the bottom of my heart and also the one for tears to find their own trajectories. A moment of heart racing a shooting star and intimacy reaching beyond imaginable. Intensity of fireworks and purity of a dew drop. Ability to balance on the knife blade and not to slip. Courage to fall if everything goes wrong (or right). And even more – to get up again. Searching and finding, and searching again. People whose presence is never taken for granted, things that are worth to be noticed – so many of them. And maybe that’ s where the beauty comes from – never losing hope to find… What? I don’ t know exactly, myself I guess. Even if it takes a lifetime. All the way to the happy end if there turns out to be one.

growth rings of a tree
year by year walking the line
older doesn’ t mean wiser

And Then There Were The Roads…

travel_map

It has finally happened and with a happy sigh I can say I have returned back home. My real home that is – in Rīga, Latvia, a bit away from the “other home” in Burgas, Bulgaria where I usually spend my prolonged summers. So – 1 car, a bit of energy and longing for home, 2430 km (or 1509.93 miles), 7 countries (Bulgaria, Serbia, Hungary, Slovakia, Czech Republic, Poland, Lithuania), 2 border checkpoints (Bulgaria-Serbia and Serbia-Hungary) and 3 days is all it took to get from the warmer end of Europe to colder one. Since I have very much appreciation for mountains, the scenery during the first 2 days of my trip was the one I truly enjoyed. In the third one…well, it started to look much more like home and the weather turned into quite gloomy one like one would expect in November in this part of the world :)…

My conclusions? Though by far it wasn’ t my first time of doing this drive, things still manage to surprise me. After I have been used to usually quite…undiplomatic officers of Serbian customs, this time one wished me a pleasant trip. Doesn’ t take much, nor is obligatory but definitely felt nice! I faced slightly different situation at one of the posts of Serbian toll roads – giving the man 5 Euro instead of necessary 2 took an unexpected turn – he said that was too much money and I had to figure out a way to exchange it. A touch tricky with a line of probably 20 cars behind mine, eager to keep going, wouldn’ t you agree? Sometimes kindness and sort of tough stare does the job, fortunately. I mustn’t forget mentioning the highways in Hungary. They are really of a good quality (I am not comparing them with the ones all the way through Europe, just the countries I passed through) and they have paid attention to how important the road signs are for the people who somehow find themselves in a car on the road over there. Another maybe not too important matter but still worth mentioning – if WC sign in every single country I drove through meant the facilities were really there and available to be used, in Poland they had done the trick with…making them NOT free of charge. If a person travels with just a credit card and some cash in Euros, to pull Polish złoty out of the hat right there right then didn’ t seem nor easy, neither fair. Especially after the car had been fueled up in the same petrol station. The good part – people are really working on developing and improving the highway system in Poland, and for me personally it balances out my previous complaint. Almost!

What else? It is always so much fun and joy to travel, to discover new countries (or re-discover them) but there is something indefinable about returning home that makes my heart beat faster the moment I cross the border of Rīga. Always.

The Perpetual Paradox

lovey

It has always come along in such a different way. Sometimes like a sudden storm – so powerful that it just blew you off your feet. Or like noticing a certain flower in a meadow that you have walked through many times before but never had time to stop and really look around. To see. It might have appeared like a rainbow after the last raindrops have melted together in puddles. You just looked up and it was there – leaving you in awe. Or step by step, slowly…imagine climbing the mountain and not being sure what is waiting on the top and will you ever make it up there at all. One or another way you ended up realising it was there – in your life, and you were different. The same but verrry different.

You had let it in and were learning to keep walking ahead together. Learning to treasure the moment, to appreciate the different tones it added to your life. To giggle at twists and to knit your brows at turns. With all the “whys” disappearing…almost like those hasty trains that never stop in the small stations but just pass through. Because there’ s no need to. Because some questions in life don’ t have to be asked, nor can be answered. You open yourself and, though being more vulnerable than ever, you let yourself simply to be. To be a better version of “you”. To be able to do crazy things, like jumping in the fountain in the middle of the day not being concerned about how it makes you look. Or to smile out of the blue at strangers passing you by everywhere without being surprised at how natural is their smiling back at you. You catch yourself not only singing from the bottom of your lungs in the shower but also humming while walking down the street. Any street. Any time.

You want to whisper it softly and shout it out loud for the whole wide world to hear. You want to stop time because of the moment being so powerful but you can’t choose, getting lost in all that beauty. Lingering in another dimension. Being connected not by some bridges but by reflections. The paradox of too many moments together and still not enough at the same time. The perpetual paradox. That crazy little thing called love…

Special Photo Challenge: Inspiration

I wonder when do we write…what are those moments, those very exact ones when we just sit down and write. Scribble a line or two, create a poem or give birth to a story. When we do need to find a couple of minutes to write and they just seem to appear. Out of nowhere. Or they don’ t and we find a moment anyway. Why then, why not in a different moment? Would the result be different if it had happened earlier or later?

Do we write when we are bursting of joy and there’ s that almost burning necessity to put it in words? Or when the sadness is so deep we might drown in it if not for writing? When there’ s happiness knocking on the door and fortunately we have been there to open? Or on contrary – affliction so heavy it can’ t be taken anymore? When there’ s a problem to be solved sticked to us like a shadow and we need to write…for the solution to find a clean path in our mind? To have a moment of personal freedom? Or to have a personal moment? When the inspiration comes? And what if it doesn’ t? When we simply feel good, life is bubbling around and our loved ones are all well? And the positivity just needs to be spread? When? In all of those moments? In none of them? What happens if we miss the right moment and is there the right one? Will there be the next one? After how long? “Why” usually matters more and there’ s hardly any curiousity about “when” therefore I keep wondering… Do you? Ever?

Life is all about timing…the unreachable becomes reachable,
the unavailable becomes available,
the unattainable – attainable. /S.Charter/

More about getting inspired here: Special Photo Challenge